Dress Code Aesthetics...

Hello, my freaky darlings...

Springtime is here in the South, and that means that Summer is just another coldsnap and a rainstorm away. The average temperature seems to fluctuate between "OMG, really?" and "Are you friggin’ serious?", or something like that. Do you know what that means? Some people start running around in what would appear to be underwear in public. Upon second glance, after a heart attack perhaps, you will realize that they are actually supposed to be clothes. They typically appear to be just one inch higher or lower on their shirt from being hauled off for public indecency.

Granted, these bold people have enviable confidence (maybe they recently lost a lot of weight and are celebrating their new smokin' bod), and are usually decent beings, but going about half-naked is a bit much. If there is no waterfront in your vicinity (or as your immediate destination), please cover up. Is that so much to ask? Apparently, it is. The wearing of clothing smaller than your undergarments needs to end.

You are not a brick house. Stop letting it all hang out.

If you are at the pool or a beach, that is fine. Do as you please, by all means; just please refrain from mooning or flashing anyone. (That would be rather uncouth of you.) However, if you are going to the mall, a bookstore, restaurant, or (for the love of all that is sacred) WAL-MART, please wear your real clothes and not your spandex something-or-others. I know that whoever raised you did NOT intend for you to dress like that. No one wants to see your drawers (or lack thereof). They are not your sweethearts. I do not care how many wolf- whistles your spanks get you – it is not appropriate.

No, you naysayers, this is not about your safety. The filthy perverts of this world should know better than to assume that just because a nice tail is showing means they have the right to grab it. They are morons. If you are not ‘asking for it’, you are NOT asking for it. Remember this.

This is simply a matter of decency. Call me old-fashioned, but no one looks forward to mapping out your cellulite or what-not any more than you do theirs. Unless you are a bully that likes to point out the flaws of other people to feel better about your own: then, you need help.

Would you dress that way in front of your parents? Would you let your kids go out in public, wearing so little? Do you feel like counting someone's freckles (or other spots) that may be located somewhere other than their face? Nope, that is just TMI for most people.

If this were, say, the Zom-pocalypse, would you have so much exposed? If your local weather is bi-friggin’-polar, do you want to be caught in Mother Nature's mood swing? It sucks beyond measure to have any inch of your skin in direct contact with ANY public seat, let alone the special bits. (Ew, ew, ew.) It may be way too hot for jeans or even most of your t-shirts, but tube-tops and booty shorts to the grocer is just plain... underkill.

Guys, this is for you too, and not just our ladies here. Some of you 'gentlemen' need to learn and apply the difference between play clothes and publicly-accepted clothes. Yes, there is, in fact, a difference. Stop wearing shirts with the armpits cut to your hip and the full-diaper pants. If you want to be half-naked, stay at home.

The best advice I suppose that I could give to those who inspired this rant is to watch some horror films. Disregarding the exact order, who is going to die? The people who forgot how to put on their clothes. 'Hello, House of Wax? Thanks for collecting Paris for us. (I was expecting it sooner though.)' Go-to solution is to assume the Scary Movie Scenario of: ‘Giant Mosquito Swarm’, ‘Psycho on-the-loose’, or ‘Zombie Outbreak’ (classic), and then dress comfortably and accordingly. Try keeping within range of that and see if it helps.
Author's note: Yea, another rant, but the next one will be much more fun. Also, I am, indeed, old-fashioned: one of those creaky-boned, covered neck-to-ankle persons. Don't judge me so harshly please, this was for the public-panty people and those who can't stand this issue any more than I. <3 I had a really hard time deciding this week's song, so I'm giving you two for funsies. And to make up for my lateness and seriousness. First, is Toxic by Blowsight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcVF6cvQWlc and Oh, Bo by Bo Burnham (because it makes me laugh) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C42YazlZ0bI